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Existential Anxiety

by Snailmate

supported by
z_i_l_l_a
z_i_l_l_a thumbnail
z_i_l_l_a Saw this amazing duo one night at Monte Vista in Flagstaff, AZ. After sobering up the next morning, I popped in their cassette. I couldn't believe my ears. No, I hadn't imagined the awesomeness from the evening before. It truly exists, and it's name is Snailmate. Favorite track: Night Life.
Pascale S.
Pascale S. thumbnail
Pascale S. Saw them Live and it ROCKED. Awesome sound, v unique and fun. Cant see them live? Listen to this and enjoy the next best thing. Favorite track: Night Life.
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1.
Night Life 02:38
Night Life What you are. What you want. Oh my god. What you want. Today I woke up dumb. I couldn’t think of any words or work my tongue. I couldn’t even praise the sun cuz the concept of walking outside was something I couldn’t process. I thought cartoons would look like fun but my eyes had no idea what they were watching. Maybe I’m not meant to have one of those what’s it called... something... hold up... I’m rubbing my tummy and slapping my face basically I’m multitasking frantically prancing in space. Pray for me. And while that won’t fill up my gas tank I can make believe death will grant me a million miles to the gallon. But I won’t hold my breath unless that’s how I’m supposed to get there. Whoa... lord knows it’s all too often thinking outside of that box will get you inside of a coffin and talking about what you want is better than accomplishing shit. What you are. an affront to me! What you want. Today I got up in my own way I couldn’t find my happy place because the crap was opaque. It’s in my face and I’m wading in it. Am I the wader? I’m afraid I’m made of it cuz I crave the taste of it. In fact I just made myself a fat crap sandwich with sauerkraut and raisin bread right now and I didn’t even have to pay for it. Like I said there’s no escaping it. Look, people give a lot of advice but then I watch them hit their heads on what’s in front of their eyes. Just because I fuck shit up don’t mean I’m one of those guys that’s gonna make it someone else’s problem, not on your life. But I’m allowed to yell loudly at myself when I stub my toe and ridicule myself when I got no get up and go. Now I’d like to put up a toast! Whether I’m celebrating or medicating you’ll never know. What you are. an affront to me! What you want. an apology? Oh my god. you’re too close to me! What you want? Today is gonna be more of the same baby. It’s amazing how we gain momentum and remain lazy. Today is gonna be more of the same baby. It’s amazing how we gain perspective and remain crazy. What you are. an affront to me! What you want. an apology? No. Oh my god. you’re too close to me! What you want?
2.
I Woke Up For This? Am I alive? I’m not convinced that I’m not dead. Tell me again. Am I alive? I need some proof that I’m not dead. When I get inside of a bomb I just gotta set it off. When I get in certain situations I gotta call on training I received in my past life as a dinosaur and then I get off the earth. You can call me selfish you can call me tone deaf you can call me unreasonable evil or even a bonehead. You can call me crazy or whatever applies just please don’t tell me lies. There’s something stirring about watching a match burning while I’m contemplating setting fire to my keyboards with no insurance it’s no deterrent. I built it I can kill it cuz it’s my fucking right. I’ve been accused of excluding emotions in the writing process. I’ve also claimed that I’ve been working on it. I’ve also been harvesting comments toxic and positive to offer the goddess of love. Am I alive? I’m not convinced that I’m not dead. Tell me again. Am I alive? I need some proof that I’m not dead. Im dreaming of crushing your brittle bones and feeling your flesh squish between my widdle toes. I giggle infinitely cuz I’m tickled so. See the goose pimples on my nipples grow. I’ve been trying hard to die a virgin so I can save my sweet body for the worms. It’s simple alchemy curses just desserts. And when I’m deflowered flowers shall grow. Am I alive? I’m not convinced that I’m not dead. Answer the question. Am I alive? I need some proof that I’m not dead. When I get face to face with a button the temptation is too great for me to resist I’m hyperventilating. I go into cold sweats I just want to push it oh my god I gotta know what it does. I’m a treasure hunter and you’re a macguffin give me something I can headbutt until I’m bloody and we can be buddies. We’ll bond over how it’s neat we’re both monsters and then we’ll fuck each other to death. The endless drilling is either killing me or making me feel alive which is weird cuz I’m numb most of the time. I got my mouth so wide open there’s no way I can’t choke on all the hopelessness in front of my face. When the credits roll and I don’t see my name I realize I just beat a campaign I didn’t make. I’m an avatar a captive a connoisseur and an addict a parasite and a host in one.
3.
On You 02:01
On You Ok where do I start... it was probably the laser beams blasting out of your eyes like you hated me. Creating craters in my space you made my neighbors freak. All the sudden I’m self conscious about the way I speak. You said you can turn your gaslight off. I no longer need it’s illumination to write songs. I don’t feed off the accumulation of fights gone wrong like I used to so lose the abuse dude. On you I’m putting my weight on you I’m putting the blame on you I’m putting my shame on you I’m playing the game but I probably shouldn’t call it that even though I’m constantly combatting holograms and I could cheat but not without console command and every time I take a hit I turn into a smaller man. Oh but I digress. I gotta hundred habits that I can’t break so help me out. I can rationalize almost anything so talk me down. I can materialize instantly anywhere but I’d rather walk. I lie to everyone everyday but it’s not my fault. On you I’m putting my weight on you I’m putting the blame on you I’m putting my shame on you I could not refrain. I’m putting it all on you. On you I’m putting my weight on you I’m putting the blame on you I’m putting my shame on you I made a mistake and since I don’t know how to apologize I’ll more than likely be alone until I die.
4.
3D Glasses 01:14
3D Glasses Make a fist. Flex it twice. Shake it at the stars each night. Show them all where you stand. Insist that you’re not an ant. So you’re having an existential crisis. You’ve been feeling as important as a dust mite is. Your mother was selfish for creating life when it can be extinguished like flipping a light switch. I know you’ve been wondering what the why is you’ve been in pain since you could open your eyelids. If there’s not a plan then why the fuck are you trying to even get out of bed. Take your head. Throw it back. Stare into the endless black. When you die don’t despair. No one knows you were there. So you’re thinking this is all a simulation designed to keep you from questioning all creation. If that’s the case you’ve got to wonder who made it. Do you blame the government or someone in a spaceship. They said your trust issues were misplaced. It’s so obvious hypocrisy is all up in your face kid. Careful if they catch wind you’re no longer complacent they’ll get in your head. Do you feel like a speck? You are.

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released February 17, 2018

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Snailmate Phoenix, Arizona

synthpunk grindcore pop nerd rap
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