I Woke Up For This?

from Existential Anxiety by Snailmate

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I Woke Up For This?

Am I alive? I’m not convinced that I’m not dead. Tell me again. Am I alive? I need some proof that I’m not dead. When I get inside of a bomb I just gotta set it off. When I get in certain situations I gotta call on training I received in my past life as a dinosaur and then I get off the earth. You can call me selfish you can call me tone deaf you can call me unreasonable evil or even a bonehead. You can call me crazy or whatever applies just please don’t tell me lies. There’s something stirring about watching a match burning while I’m contemplating setting fire to my keyboards with no insurance it’s no deterrent. I built it I can kill it cuz it’s my fucking right. I’ve been accused of excluding emotions in the writing process. I’ve also claimed that I’ve been working on it. I’ve also been harvesting comments toxic and positive to offer the goddess of love. Am I alive? I’m not convinced that I’m not dead. Tell me again. Am I alive? I need some proof that I’m not dead. Im dreaming of crushing your brittle bones and feeling your flesh squish between my widdle toes. I giggle infinitely cuz I’m tickled so. See the goose pimples on my nipples grow. I’ve been trying hard to die a virgin so I can save my sweet body for the worms. It’s simple alchemy curses just desserts. And when I’m deflowered flowers shall grow. Am I alive? I’m not convinced that I’m not dead. Answer the question. Am I alive? I need some proof that I’m not dead. When I get face to face with a button the temptation is too great for me to resist I’m hyperventilating. I go into cold sweats I just want to push it oh my god I gotta know what it does. I’m a treasure hunter and you’re a macguffin give me something I can headbutt until I’m bloody and we can be buddies. We’ll bond over how it’s neat we’re both monsters and then we’ll fuck each other to death. The endless drilling is either killing me or making me feel alive which is weird cuz I’m numb most of the time. I got my mouth so wide open there’s no way I can’t choke on all the hopelessness in front of my face. When the credits roll and I don’t see my name I realize I just beat a campaign I didn’t make. I’m an avatar a captive a connoisseur and an addict a parasite and a host in one.

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from Existential Anxiety, released February 17, 2018
Kalen Lander
Ariel Monet

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